Brothers and sisters are typically the first playmates for each other. Studies indicate that the way siblings interact has a direct impact on children's social-emotional and cognitive growth, including their problem-solving skills, ability to see things from different points of view, and emotional comprehension (McHale et al., 2012). Thus, it is essential to nurture strong sibling bonds.
Here are some practical tips you can use:
Give a Gift from the Newborn to the Older Sibling
When my younger daughter was born, I gave a teddy bear plushie to my older daughter on the behalf of the newborn. My older daughter was so happy and kept thanking her baby sister for her gift. This simple yet thoughtful gesture created a positive first impression that left a lasting impact, as the older sister still remembers it fondly to this day.
Show Care to the Older Sibling Much More
After the birth of a new baby, parents often need to dedicate a lot of time and attention to the newborn, which can unintentionally neglect the older child's needs. This might make the older sibling feel insecure and worry about losing their parents' love and attention, leading them to believe that the new sibling is taking away some of that affection and time away from them. To prevent this, parents should consciously remember to give much more love and attention to the older child as well. For example, when praising the baby, also praise the older sibling; when hugging the baby, also hug the older sibling. If the older child feels fully loved by their parents, they will be more willing to love and care for their sibling.
Provide Quality Alone Time for Each Child
Try carving out one-on-one time with each child. For instance, while the younger child is taking a bath, spend time and talk with the older child about their day at school. This allows the child to feel fully attended to during that time, with frequent eye contact and shared focus on one activity. Even a few minutes of such dedicated time can make the child feel loved and cared for. Another idea is to create special little secrets with each child. For example, you can secretly place a sticker of their favorite cartoon character in their pocket, a secret only the two of you share. This helps them understand that your love for them is unique and special, providing them with a strong sense of security.
Increase Opportunities for Physical Interaction Between Siblings
Simple and positive physical interactions, such as hugging, holding hands, patting shoulders, and high-fiving can have a powerful impact. Non-verbal communication carries a significant amount of information and is often more influential than words. Positive physical interactions between siblings can foster better understanding and trust.
For example, in our family, we have a daily routine called "Morning Hugging." Every morning, as soon as they wake up, the siblings hug each other, followed by a round of hugs with the parents. But the order of hugs with parents is never fixed to avoid any comparisons. Hugging helps stabilize emotions and strengthen trust and emotional bonds. Other examples like having the older sibling hold the younger sibling's hand while crossing the street or having sisters practicing bathing each other. These activities provide more opportunities for positive physical interactions.
Capture and Record Sweet Memories Between Siblings
Take photos of positive interactions between siblings and print them out so the children can see them anytime. This increases the visibility of positive interactions, reinforcing their memories of caring for each other.
Share Good Deeds Done by Siblings
Encourage siblings to share one good thing the other did for them everyday or every night before bed. This practice not only enhances their language skills but also prompts them to recognize and appreciate the small gestures that might go unnoticed.
If the younger child is still too young to understand and express themselves, parents can initially speak on their behalf to tell the older child about the good things the younger sibling has done for them.
For example, "Your little sister shared a toy for you," Or, "Your little sister was so excited to pick you up from school that she didn't want to take a nap," and upon hearing these, the older sister will say thank you to her younger sister. This practice allows them to recognize and appreciate each other's actions and fosters a cycle of love and gratitude.
Guide Each Sibling to Find Their Unique Value and Self-Affirmation
Each child is unique. Parents should not view siblings through a lens of comparison. Love should not be conditional on daily performance or academic success, as this can cause rivalry and competition for parental affection and may damage the self-esteem of the child who performs less well, affecting their long-term emotional development.
It is important to acknowledge that children differ in age and possess their individual characteristics. Parents need to actively monitor and support their children in identifying each other's strengths and discovering their own worth, validating these attributes. By recognizing and appreciating the distinctive qualities of each child, siblings can enhance their comprehension of each other's strengths, progress together, and foster harmonious relationships in the future.
Turn Sibling Conflicts into Empathy Practices
Conflict is inevitable. Every pair of siblings has arguments, fights over toys, or food. What matters is how these conflicts are handled afterward. To foster harmonious sibling relationships, developing the ability to empathize is crucial. Studies indicate that good empathy skills in adulthood are highly related to early experiences of positive sibling relationships (Gungordu & Hernandez-Reif, 2022).
The development of empathy begins with parents empathizing with their children's emotions. When conflicts arise, parents can help their children articulate their inner feelings and needs. This helps children feel loved, understood, empathized with, and accepted. This help alleviate their insecurities and jealousy. Such positive experiences teach children how to express their emotions properly and empathize with others’ feelings, making each conflict an empathy exercise. Through abundant practice opportunities, children learn to communicate, negotiate, and find mutually acceptable rules to solve problems, turning conflicts into deep sibling bonds.
Aside from interactions between siblings, The Empower Empathy board game, which simulates typical conflict situations, can improve children's emotional intelligence and empathy abilities. Playing this game can help parents better grasp their children's viewpoints and the obstacles they encounter. Additionally, parents will be pleasantly surprised that their children are actually capable of showing empathy towards one another. By regularly engaging in these scenarios that mimic real life social dilemmas, children improve their skills in developing suitable coping mechanisms for future conflicts as well as fostering a close bond with the parents and siblings.
Implementing these practices in your daily family life will help you cultivate a harmonious and supportive sibling relationship, bringing lifelong benefits to your children.
Connect with us by sharing your insights and advice on nurturing sibling bonds. Leave a comment down below or participate in our upcoming Empower Empathy workshop. Let's build a caring community together!
Author Bio
Abby S. is a native of Taiwan and graduated from National Taiwan University (NTU) with a degree in Psychology and a Master's in Clinical Psychology. After obtaining her clinical psychologist license in Taiwan, she moved to the United States with her husband. She currently resides in Cambridge, Boston.
As a mother of two adorable daughters, Abby has developed a deep interest in parenting and child-rearing topics. Her journey into motherhood has highlighted the significant differences between Taiwanese and American educational cultures. She looks forward to sharing and exchanging insights with you on this journey of parenting together
Comments